I slipped past the edge of light and came to be. Engulfed in 100 trillion miles of nothing and everything, it was all the same to me. My lips spread apart in delight as I realized what had been lain before me. A playground primed for conjuring, moulding, delineating and instigating. Oh I knew I would get carried away. A look past my shoulder revealed a spiralling formation, with flaming sparkles embedded, one of its arms beckoned me. I was attracted to one speck of light, his name was Sol. He soon after became my partner in crime. I spent my days gazing up at him from beneath the azure coloured waters; my first housing on Gaia, Earth.
Ages passed, I came to manifest in bodily form. With mind anew, I knew that I knew. I observed myself open a bud as the sun rays would tickle my petals. I took note of my sounds as the winds would carry chirps and howls and rush past my ears. I was scented with blades, green aplenty, carpeting the hills. I would taste dewy sweet, once bites marred a pear. I felt myself pulsing ruby red through vessels of a miniature hand, a new arrival. I was beautiful, that I knew.
One questioned me one day, the next, three, the following, fifteen. Who was I and what was my purpose? Why did I exist? Doubt grazed my heart, your interrogations stretched it but your accusations broke it. It was said, millennia upon millennia, I was heartless. Ominous, I took without mercy, day or night. I was cruel and robbed one of hope. I left millions of ones destitute. “Hard, difficult, hard, hard, hard” cold ceaseless chants. They tried to end me, a few. Despair riddles my soul, how dare they?
Have you forgotten? Alone, you thought you were, yet I sent a friend your way to hold your hand and wipe those tears. At your side, he laughed wholeheartedly and a realization settled in, you loved him. Down on your knee, your palms awash with sweat, your insides trembled, she said yes. Screams subsided and into your arms a first born swept, its eyes round and brown bore into your own, a shocking wonder. That day you looked in the mirror “I love myself” you said, after years insecure. No hope, the doctor relayed, he failed to see the miracle brewing in your brain, for you got up to walk away the next day.
Never have I understood your fear of my younger sister, death. You cry, mope and clench your teeth at her threats and thefts. Your eyes hollowed, you believe they, your loved ones are gone. They are not gone! Open your eyes! Above. Do you not see how bountiful blue the sky is? Formulated with the same water droplets rained upon soils, fruits appear; eaten, your every breath releases the droplets to be carried into the winds back to the sky. Blue. Each of you people, plants and animals alike, a thread; threads I have woven into a quilt to comfort the earth. Each thread no less important than the next. For without one, all would have never been. You believe my sister picks away at it, yet the threads merely change colour at her touch. Not one is missing, and never shall one be. For I am firstborn, I am everywhere and yet I am shaped by your perceptions: I stand before you accused, as the bearer of pain. Think again, am I really? Can I not just…BE? Choose the moments that birth smiles, not to worry. Not to worry, patience rules my steps. Before long, you will notice amazed, I am the most beautiful your eyes have gazed.
Always and forever, yours truly,
1. Take a moment to check in with your body, what do you physically feel? And where?
2. Do you agree that you interact with the reality around you? You have daily responsibilities to people and things; lessen the energy you put into them and if possible drop them. Make a mental note to tell these people that you will be reigning in your energy/effort and focusing it on yourself, ask for their love and support. If they are not in agreement well then you know where they stand (deal with them later). This time is about you.
3. Tell your story, what is presently making you feel loss? Who and what is involved in this situation? Write down everything you are feeling.
4. What will you miss about the person, thing or situation you have lost?
5. Time, crying and relaxation, these are your new best friends. Make a long list of things that you find relaxing and pampering, baths, listening to music etc. Find time everyday to do at least one of these activities during your time of mourning.