Enthralled with creating a reality of stillness, it pervades corners and crevasses with an icy breath. It’s as if its only wish were to take a hold of moments, encapsulate it in stoic fluids, overlain with a glistening sheen. A deceptive beauty. Burdened with the knowledge of its nefarious capacity, it takes hold of time, vying for a place in Gaia’s heart with fits of sparkling rain to still its water veins. Yet behind Winter’s smile is the truth of its guile, “I bring death you see”.
– S.A. Manful
1. Take a moment to check in with your body, what do you physically feel? And where?
2. List down ways that you think you have allowed a person or situation to make you feel emotionally cold. Do you acknowledge that you play a part in the way you feel?
3. Tell your story, what is presently making you feel cold? Who and what is involved in this situation? Write down everything you are feeling.
Write down the times you have felt this cold in the past. Regress further into the past into your childhood into your earliest memories. Once you find the earliest example or the most vivid experience of unresponsiveness in your past go back in time, re-examine and write how you felt. Express the things you could not express as a child. Who and what was involved back then?
4. What did you believe about yourself in the past? Did you conclude that everyone would hurt you? Why? Did you encounter dangerous situations and people? Did you receive little to no comfort in times of need? Did you learn to suppress your feelings as a way of coping?
Imagine standing on the edge of a deep black pool called “I AM…” Inside this pool are all the negative thoughts you have of yourself. Jump into the pool and allow yourself to sink. Every time you encounter a negative “I am” thought ask yourself “why?” and allow it to take you deeper into the pool until you hit the bottom and cannot continue to ask “why?”. At first you notice shallow level thoughts such as “I am cold because nobody cares ”. As you sink deeper you notice thoughts that are darker and more universal such as “I am unlovable” “I am unworthy”. Once you hit the bottom and cannot ask “why?” You have arrived at your Negative Foundational Thought.
5. Write down your Negative Foundational Thought. Draw a line beside it and write down the opposite; this is your new Positive Foundational Thought. For example:
I am unworthy | I am worthy
Important: Look at your NF-Thought. Acknowledge how easy it is to convince a child of anything. Put the two together and realize YOU HAVE BEEN TRICKED. The people and the circumstance worked to convinced you of this lie and you as a child believed it. Take a moment to let it sink in.
You are NOT your Negative Foundational Thought.
Pick up your phone and set an alarm for each day of the week, each day a different time. For the alarm title/message, type in your Positive Foundational Thought (I am/You are…) and save it. Whenever your phone tells you this message, say to it “I agree”. Keep this message until the day you feel you no longer need to be reminded. Return to this journal/paper and cross out your NF-Thought.
Bonus optional techniques
Place sticky notes with your PF-Thought in places you go daily.
Record yourself saying your PF-Thought. Play it as you sleep on Repeat.
Create a desktop background with your PF-Thought.
Take a 20-30 minute nap for your subconscious to start re-wiring itself. Return to complete the process once you wake up.