Used

The Takers 

The Watchers fell from grace 
The Vikings pillaged the lands
The Takers gouged my soul 

A soul fashioned with the light, I skipped the Eden Gardens
and with intention I entered this Era
“I will love to aid” my mind was made.

Takers, one by one came my way. 
Incubus, disguised as benevolent male beings,
Some mangled by the fires of past loves.

Warm heartfelt requests were made,
I was moved by their pain. 
Compassion, this is why I came!

So blessed with naivete, I gave myself to each.
Time, affection or body, whatever tickled their fancy.
Imagine my disappointment, they took with no intention of return.

Years have passed and my soul is now pitted.
Within, a seat of burning anger exists for each Taker.
Numb, the sanguine light of such fire is false, but it will suffice.

Unbeknownst to each, the universe has them cursed,
For tainting the light remains the highest offense.
The natural law charges Takers to marriage with unquenchable regret.

Some will live on aware,
others will be driven to madness 
by such unseen torment.

In the years to come,
I will tend to my wounds. 
To you my dear Takers, I say
“Embrace the deathly silence”,
the scales will fall from your eyes
and for the very first time 
you shall see
what you refused to see.
Me.

-S.A.Manful


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shells

1. Take a moment to check in with your body, what do you physically feel? And where?

2. List down ways that you think you have allowed a person or situation to make you feel used. Do you acknowledge that you play a part in the way you feel?

3. Tell your story, what is presently making you feel like you have been taken advantage of? Who and what is involved in this situation? Write down everything you are feeling.

Write down the times you have felt this used in the past. Regress further into the past into your childhood into your earliest memories. Once you find the earliest example or the most vivid experience of being used in your past go back in time, re-examine and write how you felt. Express the things you could not express as a child. Who and what was involved back then?

4. What did you believe about yourself in the past? Did you conclude that you were not good enough? Why? Did you encounter problems where you were made to believe you were the only one capable of fixing it? What made you feel that self-sacrifice was virtuous?

Imagine standing on the edge of a deep black pool called “I AM…” Inside this pool are all the negative thoughts you have of yourself. Jump into the pool and allow yourself to sink. Every time you encounter a negative “I am” thought ask yourself “why?” and allow it to take you deeper into the pool until you hit the bottom and cannot continue to ask “why?”. At first you notice shallow level thoughts such as “I am an alien because the world is harsh”. As you sink deeper you notice thoughts that are darker and more universal such as “I am unlovable” “I am unworthy”. Once you hit the bottom and cannot ask “why?” You have arrived at your Negative Foundational Thought.

5. Write down your Negative Foundational Thought. Draw a line beside it and write down the opposite; this is your new Positive Foundational Thought. For example:

I am unworthy |  I am worthy

Important: Look at your NF-Thought. Acknowledge how easy it is to convince a child of anything. Put the two together and realize YOU HAVE BEEN TRICKED. The people and the circumstance worked to convinced you of this lie and you as a child believed it. Take a moment to let it sink in.

You are NOT your Negative Foundational Thought.

Pick up your phone and set an alarm for each day of the week, each day a different time. For the alarm title/message, type in your Positive Foundational Thought (I am/You are…) and save it. Whenever your phone tells you this message, say to it “I agree”. Keep this message until the day you feel you no longer need to be reminded. Return to this journal/paper and cross out your NF-Thought. 

Bonus optional techniques
Place sticky notes with your PF-Thought in places you go daily.
Record yourself saying your PF-Thought. Play it as you sleep on Repeat.
Create a desktop background with your PF-Thought.

Tired? 

Take a 20-30 minute nap for your subconscious to start re-wiring itself. Return to complete the process once you wake up. 

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Later

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